Recovery Patterns of Codependence...
Recovery from Co-Dependence is a journey. CoDA meetings, the 12 Step Program and finding a sponsor are all tools to aid your recovery.


Denial Patterns



I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.

 I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment.

I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.

 I embrace my feelings as being valid and important. I am truthful with    myself.

I perceive myself as being completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.

 I keep the focus on my own well-being. I know the difference between caring and caretaking.

Low Self-Esteem Patterns

I have difficulty making decisions.

 I trust my ability to make effective decisions.

I judge everything I think, say, or do harshly, as never “good enough.”

 I accept myself as I am. I emphasize progress over perfection.

I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.

 I feel appropriately worthy of the recognition, praise, or gifts I receive

I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires.

 I meet my own needs and wants when possible. I reach out for help when it’s necessary and appropriate.

I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own.

 I have confidence in myself. I no longer seek others’ approval of my thoughts, feelings, and behavior.

I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

 I recognize myself as being a lovable and valuable person.

Compliance Patterns

I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger.

 I am rooted in my own values, even if others don’t agree or become angry.

I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.

 I can separate my feelings from the feelings of others.

I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.

 I am committed to my safety and recovery work. I leave situations that feel unsafe or are inconsistent with my goals.

I value others’ opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.

 I respect my own opinions and feelings and express them appropriately.

I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.

 I consider my own interests first when asked to participate in another’s plans.

I accept sex when I want love.

 My sexuality is grounded in genuine intimacy and connection. I know the difference between lust and love.

Control Patterns

I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.

 I realize that, with rare exceptions, other adults are capable of managing their own lives. My job is to let them.

I attempt to convince others of what they “should” think and how they “truly” feel.

 I accept and value the differing thoughts, feelings, and opinions of others.

I become resentful when others will not let me help them.

 I feel comfortable when I see others take care of themselves.

I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.

 I am a compassionate and empathic listener, giving advice only if directly asked.

I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.

 I carefully and honestly contemplate my motivations when preparing to give a gift.

I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.

 I feel loved and accepted for myself, just the way I am.

I have to be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others.

 I develop relationships with others based on equality, intimacy, and balance.

The Recovery Patterns of Codepence may not be reprinted or republished without the express written consent of Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. This document may be reprinted from the website (CoDA) for use by members of the CoDA Fellowship.  Copyright © 2010 Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc. and its licensors -All Rights Reserved.

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